What I'm Thinking

Just a few thoughts on writing tonight. Writing is hard work, it's difficult and it's frustrating. There are times I sit staring at this laptop screen wondering what I'm going to write next. I wonder how I'm going to write something that will make sense and help my novel move forward. I want to scream, I want to cry (well maybe that's a slight exagerration), I wonder why I continue writing. At the same time writing is extremely rewarding when it is flowing smoothly. Getting a good dialogue down on paper is a great high. Putting together a few good paragraphs is a feeling that I can't aqdequately describe (yet); it's one of the best feelings that I have ever had. I think, "hey, I've written something that really is good." So that keeps me going. That keeps me waking up every morning before I have to get ready for work so that I can write.

And yes, I wake up early every morning to write. I get this from Brett Easton Ellis. I read an interview he gave once where he stated that he woke up at 4 AM in the morning to work on his first novel. He had to do this because he still had to hold on to a regular job. I try to do the same thing. I'm afraid, however, that I don't always manage to get myself out of bed at 4 AM. But I try.

So what really motivates me to write, to want to be published? Those are two different questions and I'm still exploring my motivations so I don't yet have complete answers. Here's what I have so far. I have always had a talent for writing. When I was younger I found it much easier to explain myself through writing rather than through verbal communication. So I like to write. I seem to have some talent for non-fiction writing. Fiction writing is a little harder but I still am fairly good at some aspects of it as well, dialogue for instance. I seem to have a good ear for natural sounding dialogue and can put it to paper fairly easily. Other aspects of fiction writing don't come as easily to me, story structure and plot for instance. I'll speak of those some other time. So writing fulfills a need I have to communicate well. Possibly also to tell stories and communicate information: while I was employed as a bank fraud analyst I regularly had to explain via email, clearly and concisely, how I arrived at certain conclusions regarding fraud, missing deposits, etc. And I was pretty good at it.

To be honest I also like to hear people tell me how they liked something I've written. And that brings me to why I want to be published. I want to not only write for myself, or a small group of readers, I want to tell stories that thousands of people want to read. That's the real high. Knowing that you've written a novel, a novelette, a short story that readers like and relate to and want more of.

I think I should stop here. This post is a little more unfocused than I like. Tonight most of it is coming off the top of my head. I also want to put in a little more work on my book.
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Tomorrow I'll post some of my character's back stories.

Bill Browning, writing from Starbucks in Midtown Atlanta, Thursday, 4 March 2010.